You find that your abusive relationship is often the result of your own feelings. You are just so focused on the fact that you are “not good enough” that you don’t stop to think whether that is a real relationship or a fantasy.
I’m going to talk about the good stuff first. That is when you are not just a victim, you are also a victimizer. You are hurting others, and they are hurting you. And we tend to take it for granted that when we hurt others, it is our fault. If you are blaming everyone, then you are not being honest with yourself.
When you are in an abusive relationship, it’s easy to let that hurt and anger control your life. It’s really easy to blame the other person, to think that you are the only one who is to blame, to think that your partner is the one who needs to change, to think that they are the one who must change, and you are the one who needs to change.
There are times that when you are in an abusive relationship where you are blaming everyone for the troubles you are having, you don’t have a clue if this is true. When you come out of a relationship with a therapist and are in the process of healing, you might feel that you are still a victim, and that everyone is to blame for the pain you are feeling.
The problem is that you are right that everyone is to blame for the pain you are feeling. But at the same time, you are also right that everyone is to blame for the pain you are feeling. You are blaming everyone for the pain you are feeling, and in fact, you are blaming yourself for the pain you are feeling. So basically, you are blaming everyone as to what is causing you distress.
When someone has a problem, they’re often blaming themselves for it. They are blaming everyone around them for causing their problems. By definition, a problem is something that is damaging someone else. But the problem you’re feeling is not “my problem” or “how am I feeling?” it’s your problem.
The problem youre feeling is that you have to figure out that you have a problem that is not your own. Sometimes people with problems just need to talk to someone about it and figure out that it’s not their fault. The problem youre feeling is not yours, its your problem.
This applies to any situation where we feel we are being attacked or abused by someone. It is not just the case with abusive relationships, where we feel our partner is acting inappropriately, but it is also the case with our boss who has been rude to us in the past, our ex who is in denial about things, and the person we feel is controlling us when were not around.
There are several things we can do to start to shift the blame onto ourselves and to shift the power to stop the abuse and the control we feel.
